C'Mon Man! Suite Life on Deck Edition
by Mr. BC
Summary: Have you ever watched the Suite Life on Deck and come across instances that scratch your head and make you say "C'Mon Man!"?
1. Season 1 1-4

A/N Disclaimer: I don't own the Suite Life series or the segment "C'Mon Man!" I wrote this out of boredom and thought it was funny. If you've seen Monday Night Countdown during football season, this fic is based directly off of that. Hope you at least get a kick out of it, focusing on the comical parts of the episodes that are pointed out by the hosts. **  
**

**Hosts:**  
CB: Chris Berman  
KJ: Keyshawn Johnson  
TJ: Tom Jackson  
CC: Cris Carter  
MD: Mike Ditka

Note: The time in the parentheses mark the point of the episode on which the clip is coming from and the bold quotes are right from the episodes. Everything else is said by the hosts.

* * *

**The Suite Life Sets Sail S1/E1  
**

**CB:** We're getting closer to our weekly viewing of our favorite show and you know what that means. It's time for the season premiere of our new weekly "C'Mon Man! Suite Life Edition." Here we go, Key, let's kick off the season, what do you got? (the clips start)

**KJ:** (2:08) I'm headed to the opening scene before the title card. The twins tell Mr. Moseby they're attending Seven Seas High and their mom says he can afford it with her discount and watch what happens. He screams **"NOOOO!"** and then dives off the boat. He must've learned from Matthew Mitcham from the Olympics in Beijing 2008. C'Mon Man! (the other hosts chuckle at this comment)

**TJ:** (8:13) Key, I'm moving ahead to London negotiating with Padma for her own room. The two aren't happy with the attitudes of one another. It reaches the point where London 'graciously' offers Padma "One from the top or two from the bottom," and Padma gets drawn in. How does she react? **"I'm filthy rich, I'm filthy rich. Hold that gangplank. I've got things to buy!"** Sounds awful perky for having just been duped out of school. C'Mon Man!

**CC: **(10:03) Let's see how Zack gets acquainted with his new roommate who we all think is a guy. Now watch what happens when Bailey walks into the room and introduces herself and then Zack... **"Hey broseph, what's going on? Zack Martin."** He sends his fist in for a fist pound and she shrieks like a little girl and flinches (the other hosts laugh crazily). (11:52) Later on, it's time to go to class and the announcement comes on for that and watch London and her response: **"Hey invisible voice, five minutes does not work for me."** Look, she's in a towel and robe and Bailey all dressed like a guy. Real contrasts in girl cosmetics there. C'Mon Man! (laughter from the hosts)

**MD:** (16:34) Here we are in Zack and Bailey's room and Bailey's been discovered to be a girl. Naturally, Zack's interest in her comes up and he pledges to keep her gender a secret and she takes his hand with both of hers and he places his free hand on top of hers. Cody, still thinking Bailey's a guy, comes in and asks: **"Why are you guys holding hands?"** and they break into a dysfunctional secret handshake. Save it for the endzone, Zack. C'Mon Man!

**CB: **(19:04) You remember when you were in school and you had to do a fire drill? What do you do? You move out of the building single-file. Well here, Zack, Cody, Bailey and London miss the memo that there's a drill going on so they stumble and fumble their way to the life jackets and then take a fall into the water when they can't keep their balance. (the hosts start chuckling) They didn't float away and the water is warm, why? Let's ask Moseby.** "Probably because it's a hot tub." **London asks.** "Why is there a hot tub in the middle of the ocean?" (Moseby look of disapproval)**. C'Mon Man! Now look you're supposed to follow all the rules of a fire drill because you never know when you'll have to use that drill but that was silly (chuckling from others).

* * *

**Parrot Island S1/E2  
**

**CB: **Well last week was a good day for C'Mon Man and we think this week was filled with even more C'Mon Mans! Don't you agree, guys?

**CC: **One show in and I've been scratching my head a lot.

**CB: **As have we all I think. Key, what do you got to start off this week? (the clips start)

**KJ: **(1:17) We're going to take a look at what Cody brought for Bailey to cheer her up. a delicious and yummy seaweed smoothie accompanied with a broccoli boost (laughter). Later, the ship turns around and there's a big movement and he fumbles the smoothie all over Mr. Moseby who ordered the turn around. If that's what will get Bailey all cheered up, C'Mon Man!

**TJ: **(4:03) Key, let's head over to where Ms. Tutweiller said she would take us in pursuit of lost London, Parrot Island. Nobody seems that thrilled about it, especially Woody and his explanation?** "I got more green between my seventh and eighth toe."** Watch how all his classmates call an audible and back away from him. (laughing) C'Mon Man!

**MD: **(15:25)Zack and Cody by odd chance encounter the prison where their friends are and want to get them out. Cody puts Zack on his shoulders and and Zack tries to break them out. Unbeknownst to them, Simms is right behind them. Look how calmly he offers a crowbar and cordially says you're welcome after Zack thanks him. Is this really a law enforcement figure or an imposter? (laughter in studio) C'Mon Man!

**CB: **(17:09) I'll tell you something, most guys will do whatever they can to get a girl they're attracted to, so Zack and Cody congregate in the prison cell the best way to impress Bailey. And they settle on a SPITTING contest before getting stopped by Moseby (laughter). And to think they were trying to be mature about the whole thing. C'Mon Man!

******CC: **(10:15) Here we are in the prison and we've located London. She is joined by Mr. Moseby and he shows all his power to Constable Simms in an attempt to get him out. Simms demands reparations so Moseby gets his wallet out and almost fumbles when the cost is $10 million so to entice Simms, he offers his Mr. Freezy Cone Club Card. C'Mon Man! That won't move him, but it will move us. Because we can have ice cream on set here. (After the clips are over, all five anchors have a soft-serve ice cream cone in their hands) What do you think, Boom.

**CB:** I'll tell you, our crew here know how to make it right. Some chocolate sprinkles here are good.

**MD:** And a cherry here as well.

**CC:** We don't want to spill anything on our notes here so let's be careful.

* * *

**Broke 'N' Yo-Yo S1/E3  
**

**CB: **Last week, you voted your favorite C'Mon Man! and the winner was Woody's green toe remark about Parrot Island. This week, Key, C'Mon Man! What do you have for us? (the clips start)

**KJ: **(0:21) Let's head to the deck where Cody is enjoying a banana fofana smoothie and Mr. Moseby tries it and Cody tells him,** "Dude, you're bogarding all the fofana!" **Moseby finishes it off and replies** "That's like drinking a mother's love." **And then he licks whatever's left of the smoothie on the cup. Way to set an example, captain. C'Mon Man!

**MD: **(1:58) How does Cody expect to compete with the likes of Johan Yo at the 'Yolimpics' if he doesn't know the first thing about yo-yo mechanics? He shows his brother his trick that he mastered and then knocks a girl's smoothie to the floor. The girl asks if that was supposed to happen and Cody improvises says it was.** "Oh then yay!" **(the hosts laugh at this) She maybe impressed but she lost her smoothie. C'Mon Man!**  
**

**TJ: **(8:07) Coach let's head to the new loft that London was so kind to build for Bailey to sleep on. Bailey gets a little peeved at London's autocratic way of running things in their room so she says,** "Look London, this isn't easy for me to say because I don't like to complain and I really want us to be friends, but... Oh dadgummit, I'm just going to say it." **Too late, London is asleep. You think any coaches would have a job for long in a case like this? C'Mon Man!**  
**

**CC: **(13:00) Tommy, to that point, Bailey devises her plan to get London out of the room so her bed can have its rightful place on the floor. How does she do that? She lands a recorder next to London and plays sea snark noises. London gets scared and asks what sea snarks do and Bailey says among other things,** "They are attracted to red nail polish." **London replies,** "I'm wearing red nail polish. They might nibble on my piggies!"** Now I don't know how that can be the most of her concerns when, and I looked it up, SEA SNARKS DON'T EVEN EXIST. (laughing) C'Mon Man!**  
**

**CB:** (21:13) Well, we all like a good competition every once in a while and Cody is on his way to winning the yo-yo competition, Zack screws up with his towel launcher and Cody gets distracted and loses the competition. Johan Yo is declared the winner and Bailey consoles Cody **"Don't feel bad, Cody. He is a professional. Moseby: "A professional? This contest is for amateurs only! Ladies and gentlemen, even though the brilliant Mr. Yo was clearly the best, I must reluctantly give the award to the other kid."** Oh man! All that good work for nothing! C'Mon Man! (clips end, back to hosts)

**KJ:** They could have been told about that before the contest started.

**MD:** I'll tell you something, I always made a point before games to check with the officials on every rule before every game so I never miss anything.

* * *

**The Kidney of the Sea S1/E4  
**

**CB:** I'll tell you what, guys. Three episodes in and I'm finding it enjoyable to find a C'Mon Man! moment in every show and I'm sure our viewers are as well. So let's not waste any time and get going this week. Key, How about it? (clips start)

**KJ: **(1:55) How about some cake, Boom. We all love cake if you can have it. But while London is trying to get her dog Ivana off the helicopter, the baker with the vanilla bone-shaped cake with white and strawberry icing gets bumped and it heads right for Violet who is dressed all nice and lovely. Ashton, her brave boyfriend, hides behind her (TJ starts chuckling) and Zack steps in front of the cake before it reaches Violet. Quite a smooth move by the hot boyfriend huh? C'Mon Man!

**TJ: **(4:31) Key, we're not done with Ivana. London gets herself pampered by her personal servant.** "Oh snookums, I'm sorry that your landing was so rough." **And Ivana has herself pampered by her own personal servant. We should be hearing about animal cruelty activists outraged at that. C'Mon Man!

**CC: **(7:43) Let's join Zack, Violet, Ashton and company for dinner and Ashton presents Violet with the Kidney of the Sea and puts it on her. Violet's mother declares that** "She can wear it to my birthday gala tomorrow night. I'm going to be 30." **They look oddly at her.** "35." **Still oddly.** "OK 40, but that's as high as I'll go." **Somebody's in denial, lady. You're not getting any sympathy from us so, C'Mon Man!

**MD: **(12:34) Well, we're going to move ahead to Zack and Violet having fun on their day together and at the end of the day Zack is attempting to draw Violet as she sits in a lounge chair on the deck. He shows it to her and she loves how she looks in it, but I'll tell you something, I've seen many more five-year-olds with better artistic skills than that. (cracking up from colleagues). C'Mon Man!

**CB:** (20:18) Well at the birthday gala aforementioned, a wild goose chase ensues after Violet's mother and Ashton are exposed to have framed Zack. In the chaos that follows, Zack busts the ice sculpture of Violet's mom and lands in the hot tub. Violet meets up with him, takes his hands and Zack says **"Don't ever let go."** Violet answers **"I'll never let go."** (colleagues try to suppress growing laughter) Now we did some homework on this and look at this. (Zack and Violet are side-by-side of a still picture of Jack and Rose in the water after the Titanic sank) Jack and Rose are in biting cold water 12,400 feet above the ocean floor, Zack is four feet on the hot tub floor (hosts let out laughter), so let's leave it to Moseby to ruin the moment: **"It's a hot tub. Just stand up!"** C'Mon Zack! (clip ends)

**TJ:** There's no lives at stake there.

**CB:** No there sure weren't, but anything to get a chuckle out of us and the audience.

* * *

More to come hopefully.


	2. Season 1 4-8

**Showgirls-Show And Tell S1/E5**

**CB:** Well last week, we all got a kick out of the episode and all the head scratchers that it had. So we keep looking and point out things that make us say C'Mon Man! (clips start) Key, how about it?

**KJ:** (0:59) I always enjoy learning in Ms. Tutweiller's class, so let's take a peek into her class and see what they were up to. Learning about Hawaii and asking about the chief exports, Cody and Bailey are the only ones raising their hands to reply. The teacher calls on London instead who's busy filing her nails. After giving a bad answer, Emma asks, **"How about coffee?"** and London answers, "**Oh, please. I would love a cup. Make it a non-fat decaf with cinnamon sprinkles."** (the co-hosts chuckle) The teacher says, **"Do I look like a waitress?"** Then she relents and walks away. Looks like some student needs to be on an IEP with that class performance. C'Mon Man!

**TJ:** (3:45) You ever see two people acting all friendly from a distance and believe something's going on between them? Bailey sees Moseby and Emma talking and asks London what she heard them say. London reports Moseby asked Emma if she was free that night. Bailey interprets that as asking for a date and the girls break in a little dance with London singing **"Moseby and Tutweiller sitting in a tree, K-I...ISSING."** I wonder what the European judges give for the song and the dance combined. C'Mon Man!

**CC:** (10:27) Guys, if you thought the replacement refs this year were bad, check this out. The guys want to get into the show on the boast and they can't get in because you have to be supervised if you're under 18. Zack and Cody dress as sailors and enlist London, of all people, to be their mom, so they get in. Woody dresses as a guard and replaces Kirby, who sneaks off, but Moseby brings him back and confronts Woody. Moseby convinces Kirby he's a fraud by pointing out: **"Kirby, his badge is a cookie, and it's missing one point."** (laughter from the co-hosts) C'Mon Woody!

**MD:** (12:33) Zack's turn for his report in Ms. Tutweiller's class comes up and his topic is on Vegas. He brings his cards up and he explains: **"It's all about the cards, though. You need to know when to hold them, when to fold them, and when to deal them,"** and he fumbles all the cards onto the floor. **"52 at a time."** Zack, I don't think you're a good fit for post practice activities in my camp. C'Mon Man!

**CB:** (20:06) London and Bailey are all dressed up as showgirls in an attempt to find out if Emma is in the play and if Moseby is dating her. They both sneak up on stage somehow and try to 'dance' their way to information. Once they spot their teacher, they try to run for it and look what happens. They rumble and stumble the whole chorus line down to the floor and they're all in big trouble for their snooping. C'Mon Man! (clips end) Tell you what, detective work is very risky and if you're caught, you better be prepared to pay.

* * *

**International Dateline S1/E6**

CB: Guys, don't you ever wish we could relive a certain day over and over and over again?

TJ: Don't we all?

MD: Can we go back to 1985? Those were the days.

CB: For obvious reasons, you understand. I think Cody gets a treat of what that could be like. (clips start) So Key, how about it? C'Mon Man!

**KJ:** (4:36) Let's head over to the dance setup. The students in Ms. Tutweiller's classes aren't getting along, so they have a balloon fight and she scolds them for doing that. Meanwhile, Haggis, the engineer alerts the teacher of the storm that forced the party inside and she tells him about having to get rid of all the candy for the previous dance theme. In runs Addison who ate all the candy and on a sugar high, runs off a word a minute out of her mouth like a quarterback trying to get five audibles out before the play clock expires. Don't think we need any of that in party preparations. C'Mon Addison!

**TJ:** (5:50) Cody walks into the dance looking all nice and has his plan to get Bailey as his girl. Right before he walks towards her, Woody comes over and insists he hear something. All Cody wants to do is go to Bailey, but he has no choice but to listen to Woody. **"A patient goes to the doctor's office but he can't speak. So the doctor examines him and says 'I know what the problem is: You're a little horse!'"** Great joke, Woody, NOT! (TJ laughs) C'Mon Man!

**MD:** (13:14) Cody's in the loophole that the dateline has presented him. He goes over to Zack the DJ and insists he play his song. Once that gets all set, Mrs. Pepperman comes in and Cody knows exactly what her intent is, per his exasperated expression. He gives in, says it is the senior citizen's karate class and lets her try her moves on him and what happens? (other hosts laugh) She kicks him down to the floor in front of everyone! Mrs. Pepperman assuages herself by declaring **"Oh look, a little boy fell!"** C'Mon Cody! What's that about?

**CC:** (19:59) Poor Cody's had two previous chances to get Bailey into his life the way he wants, only to be foiled by the international dateline and its sinister time loop. On the third try, everything goes according to plan and he asks Bailey for the dance he has prepared for. We can feel his adrenaline rush as he's taken dance lessons and he executes the moves perfectly. Then he and Bailey lean in to get together, only to cross the dateline just before they make contact. C'Mon Man! Timing's everything.

**CB:** (22:42) Well, much has been made about food and how your system reacts to it. Early on, Bailey and Cody dance and after Cody asks her to be his girlfriend, watch Bailey, she grabs the hat and... uh-oh! (TJ laughs) Later on, Woody is sitting with a sleeping Addison after he ate the shrimp. Suddenly he feels something coming so he grabs a bag and ... Oh no! (more laughter) Finally, Bailey and Holden are dancing, much to Cody's dismay. But all is well for him when Holden feels something coming up and... **"Oh gross! My shoes!"** Bailey exclaims. C'Mon Man! (clips end) I don't think shrimp is that bad.

**MD:** Something had to have been put in it to make that happen.

**CC:** Must have.

**CB:** But let that be a lesson to watch what you eat always.

* * *

**It's All Greek to Me S1/E7**

**CB:** Tell you what, guys. We all love a nice trip to Greece every once in a while. Great architecture, mythology, stories... and funny, inexcusable moments. Key, what about it, C'Mon Man? (clips start)

**KJ:** (2:54) Boom, right before we hit Greece, let's check in with Moseby and London. Moseby firmly tells London she needs to write a speech for class and he gets cranky when she objects. Ms. Tutweiller intercedes and reminds him that **"London responds better to gentle encouragement, and stickers. Especially the shiny gold stars."** How old are our students, Emma? C'Mon Man!

**MD:** (7:53) Zack and Cody are at the museum and Cody gets jealous of Adonis, the tour guide for flirting with Bailey. Milos, their new friend, gives him a replica of the Amulet of Aphrodite. Seconds later, the museum's man in charge comes in and shows them the real Amulet. Milos, being the goofball he is, flashes his light on it and makes an angelic sound. (chuckling) After being told to get to work, he bumps into the curator as well as the twins and they fumble the two Amulets and get them mixed up. C'Mon Man! Watch what you're supposed to do!

**TJ:** (8:29) Getting back to London's speech for class, she approaches Moseby and Tutweiller who are congregating about class and presents them what she has so far. Emma can't wait to hear it, so London gets started:** "Four score and seven years ago, our fathers..."** Moseby stops her and says President Lincoln already gave that and London replies with, **"Yeah but it was so long ago. Nobody remembers it."** If you were at my school, London, you'd get in big trouble for plagiarism. C'Mon Man!

**CC:** (11:55) We've all seen bad dances in the end zone, some of which have drawn 15 yard penalties. Check out Milos on the deck to Zack and Cody as they plot to get the real Amulet back from Bailey after the mix-up. **"I will distract Bailey with a Greek dance."** He gives this _horrendous_ rendition of a Greek dance (laughing hard from co-hosts). **"And the you (Zack) hit her with a sheep bladder and you (Cody) rip the Amulet from her!"** C'Mon Milos are you really Greek, my man?

**CB:** (19:37) Well, to get the Amulet back where it belongs, Zack and Cody as well as Bailey dress themselves up as statues in the museum and have to hold as still as they can while London's speech is being given. Cody gets a close call when he sneezes and Ms. Tutweiller responds. She almost realized she was talking to a talking statue. (laughing) Later on, with Milos' help, they attempt to exchange Amulets and after being reminded of Adonis, Cody gets the strength to open the case and exchange artifacts and Bailey is very impressed. YAY! Uh oh! One big problem, Milos is standing next to the curator who call them out as thieves. C'Mon Man! (clips end) They almost got away with it.

**TJ:** That curator didn't look very happy.

**KJ:** I wouldn't be either if I saw moving statues.

**CB:** I'll tell you, Zack and Cody come up with the most clever things. Too bad they don't always work.

* * *

**Sea Monster Mash S1/E8**

**CB:** Last week, you the viewers voted the Milos dance as the best of the C'Mon Man. That was ridiculous so it deserved a place in last week's show.

**KJ:** Be interesting to see what clips gets that spot next week.

**CB:** Well, let's find out, so start this episode off, Key. (clips start) What do you got?

**KJ:** (0:27) I'm sure we all appreciate seeing rare and endangered species whenever we get the chance. Cody sure does as he spots something on Zack's arm. **"Zack, you have a rare Galapagos cricket on your arm! There's only four left in the world!"** Unfortunately, Zack does not share this wonderment and childishly swipes it off his arm and kills it. (TJ chuckles) **"Now there are only three left in the world."** Nice way to dampen Cody's mood, Zack. C'Mon Man!

**TJ:** (3:25) Key, it's been well documented that London couldn't care less about her academics, but this is probably an all-time low. She staples some papers together, claims to Bailey that she's finished her science report and shows it to her. What's your verdict of the report, Bailey? **"I think you just stapled $100 bills to each page."** Bailey tells her she can't hand it in and London agrees by saying she needs to put her name on it. **"Should I spell it out in pearls or rubies?"** Evidently, an 'F' is on the way, London. C'Mon Man!

**CC:** (10:32) Let's move ahead to the night where Cody and Bailey are trying to catch the hideous sea creature Galapagos Gertie. After three hours, they haven't found her and Bailey is getting restless. Cody tells her that Gertie is between a walrus, a beluga whale and a manatee. So what does he do? He makes a call for her into the water! (hysterical laughing) He asks Bailey to join him and she reluctantly obliges. Guess who comes in back of them to ask them, **"I need you to do me a favor: Never make that noise again!" **C'Mon Man!

**MD:** (16:18) Moving onto Zack, Woody and London's part of the project, Woody makes note of the plant that grew out of beaker 'C'. It grows and grows and grabs ahold of his leg. London comes in after getting a text about a "big problem" and sees that he's wrapped up, but does nothing about it. It's right in front of her but she still says. **"If you're not going to tell me, forget it."** C'Mon London! Serves you right that the plant grabbed your leg as well.

**CB:** (18:05) Bailey and Cody are still at it on trying to get Galapagos Gertie. They think they have her when their fishing pole is tugged at and it turns out to be a rock. Bailey grabs the camera and when Cody thinks they have a picture of her, Zack's nose is in there and Cody realizes he's been had, much to the amusement of Bailey. During the ensuing argument, she calls him out on his emotions getting in the way of his scientific detachment. Cody's reply with a sob: **"No one's more emotionally detached than I am!"** C'Mon Man! (clips end) Let it go, Cody. You're so uptight.

* * *

More to come hopefully.


End file.
